More than a feeling, it builds structure.

This article was written to thank and acknowledge the Aspire foundation for their experiential workshops and community of lovely people.


Sometimes I wonder what is real.
It is when my mind is at war with my heart, that I start to question my process, whether I am being self indulgent, self absorbed to be on a path of self awareness.

But love is more than a feeling, it is a truth that my heart knows and feels, a truth that my body and cells know and feel, and that is what has become so evident to me. I asked for affirmation and my body speaks to me so kindly, demonstrating the power of being in ones truth.

It has not been until I started on this path of self discovery that I have been willing to look at what I have created for myself, my heart, my body, my mind. I was not willing to look at my health, as it was so painful to feel, so difficult to acknowledge, but so evident in my body. I did not think I had the energy to address what I needed to change.

What I did not realize was that by denying myself, by staying emotionally constricted, I was also foregoing my passion, my vital energy, my life. It is in the denial that the cost was truly being born.

I have spent years living constricted and years fighting for life but it is not until now that I feel a nourishment and an expansion in my body. This is due to the direct experience with various people in my life, the opportunity to belong to a community of people that chose to connect from the heart and the willingness to let go of beliefs that no longer fit.

I have begun the process of breaking down the structures that have had a strangle hold on my body, and re-create life within myself. This is so evident in my heart as well as in my body. Recently, my menstrual cycle has started again. For most people this would not be celebrated but for me, being post menopausal for over 2 years due to early menopause from my health conditions it speaks loudly to me. It shows my body is changing in many ways and it all represents an opening and expansion.

Yes, there is a war going on with my mind and my heart, but this shows me my heart has the upper hand. By following my truth, my cells feel the change, they are no longer being constricted, they are receiving and providing nourishment to my body and that is in direct correlation to how I feel.

This approach to life makes me feel nourished.

So when there is a war going on ... I must remember to feel what is real, and look and listen to my body, as it gives me guidance.

More than a feeling .... its what builds structure.

Beauty of the non verbal

Having a sister such as mine, having friends such as mine, has shown me the beauty of the non verbal.

Growing up I had the opportunity of having a sister who could feel, listen, hear and speak for me with just a glance of our eyes meeting, being in the same room or from far away .... all based upon the intention and the need I had at the time.

How safe and secure this made me feel, to know someone would understand what I wanted to communicate without having to chose the right words to express it, to have someone 'get me', get my intention, the essence of the expression truly without boxing in the feeling with spoken words.

Today, instead of speaking for me she is able to help me, assist me in understanding myself when I stray from home. By talking with me, being around me, she can hear what is underneath my words or thoughts. To get to the true essence and feeling of a situation and how I feel.

And this ability, this interaction has shown me the beauty of non verbal communication. To be able to share, communicate, express oneself all through thought, touch, movement or voice but to get beyond the spoken word as words often do not capture the true essence of a feeling in its raw form.

This gift has allowed me to see and treasure the beauty of non verbal communication. No wonder why I have chosen Massage therapy as a profession as it allows me to receive, communicate and express myself through my hands.

And when I think about the people in my life that have touched me dearly through the heart, it is at this core level that they speak to me. No wonder why I feel so blessed to simply sit in their presence ....... no words need to be said, it is being felt...and there is such love in that.

I am thankful to have Cheryl as my sister, and to have friends who touch my life with such beauty and understanding of their truth.

...the subtle holds much meaning

The subtle tends to have the most impact, it often simmers within myself unseen by the conscious, later stirring, making its presence known, as its shape becomes tangible and something one can no longer ignore.

It shows me the need to be able to take time to reflect and sit within myself, as one can partake in the creation, choosing the ingredients properly, assisting in the outcome, instead of being overwhelmed by the creation itself.

Variations, differences, allow me to look at what has been a way of life from a new vantage point. Exercises, altered states allow new thoughts to make a presence while breaking the strangle hold of the old. A hold I feel around my throat and my heart so well.

Yes, to be able to see and question what has been...to seek and ask for something new. To feel, to recall a way of being that I use to know, treasure and walk in.

It all propels me forward, supporting a momentum my spirit has slowly been building upon. Presenting me with numerous opportunities that show me my truth if I take the time to look. Consciously, I try to throttle back the movement throwing boulders in my way ... looking for that crystal clear knowing.........a knowing that I already hold the answer to, when I chose to listen.

The need for perfection, the need for the right decision to fit into my life and others, now and in the future. Distracting me from myself.
My heart will no longer let me turn around or stand still .. the momentum is sweeping me up, the pace is quickening and I am no longer able to close my eyes.

It is all about remembering who I am, how I choose to view and be in the world, what moves me, and what gives me desire and passion.
How can I deny this when I have walked in that space and tasted how it feels?

I know of its importance and I know what it means for me to turn around and head back down .. the way I have come.

Forks in the road, greeting me .... beckoning me ...
I feel their meaning in my life. I have been here before, it feels familiar.
I am thankful it only requires one step at a time ... one step in the direction of my desire. I would not have had the vision, or courage any other way.

And ... I recall when I took that first step .. I knew then that that small subtle movement would hold much power. What power, what impact I did not fully realize.

Now to simply trust the road that begins to unravel before me.